It’s not black or white
Last week, Selena Gomez was a guest on the podcast “On Purpose” by Jay Shetty, and I was surprised to hear that she’s really shy. Her fiancé, Benny Blanco, said that when she’s at a party or in a room full of people, she’s always looking for a way to get invisible.
It’s interesting to hear because we never get to see that side of her. We see the roles she plays and the music she sings.
She says that she’s an extrovert with introverted tendencies. As an actor, she thrives when being surrounded by people on set. Benny said she’s kind and loves people.
This makes her the best example for showing you today that humans are unique, not either black or white on the scale of introversion and extroversion.
Selena is an example of an extrovert who is shy and loves people but needs to recharge occasionally by journaling alone. She’s unique, and I think that makes her successful. We can’t put her in a box.
Embracing your uniqueness
Embracing yourself and your uniqueness can be challenging because, growing up, people put you in boxes, and you think you are that way and can’t get out. We limit ourselves.
Our brain is sorting people, experiences, and things into boxes so it knows whom to trust or what’s dangerous. But those boxes can limit us if we try to fit into one.
Everyone is at a different point on the scale from introversion to extroversion, and I don’t want you to limit yourself by putting yourself in one of those boxes. As you can see in the graphic above, the scale has an unlimited gradient from introvert to extrovert, and you can be anywhere in between.
Even though we try to understand other people and ourselves by figuring out if we’re introverts or extroverts, it’s not black or white.
Growing up, I thought I would never be able to make a good presentation or be a leader because I put myself in the introversion and being quiet box. And it didn’t help that I didn’t have any role models.
And that’s why I’m telling you about Selena Gomez, Lady Gaga, or Barack Obama: to show you what’s possible for introverts and how to be unique.
Instead of:
- trying to fit into a box
- making excuses because you are “this person”
You need time to figure out your uniqueness and embrace it.
Some examples of how to:
- try new things and see what feels good
- get out of your comfort zone and see how far you can expand it
- think back to what you loved doing as a child
Accept that you can’t please everyone
“You can’t be afraid of what people are going to say, because you’re never going to make everyone happy” – Selena Gomez
People put you in boxes. That’s how our brain works, and we’re all prejudiced.
Benny Blanco said that when he met Selena for the first time, he thought that she didn’t like him. He interpreted her distancing as not liking him. He saw the kindness she had for people, and especially kids, but interpreted her wrong.
Opening up is hard for introverts because we don’t trust easily. And as a famous person like Selena, you need to be cautious with new people.
And that can make people seem arrogant. Introverts hear that prejudice often.
Every introvert has an extroverted side as soon as they trust people. I’m talking a lot and about everything with my boyfriend (he’s really annoyed by it) because I trust him.
But meeting new people and then opening up takes months. It usually comes from bad experiences we had growing up. At some point, everyone will get disappointed by someone, and we learn not to trust too fast.
I say we have a healthy cautiousness.
What I also love about Selena is that she’s opening up about mental health issues. She’s one of the most famous singers, and talking about it can make a big impact. And it’s helping people feel less alone and understand their problems.
But there’s a downside to being yourself and talking about your problems: people put you in boxes and you don’t fit in, and they judge you for it.
Accepting that you can’t please everyone is a big life lesson everyone is learning at some point in their lives!
And I want you to accept yourself as not fitting into a box and embrace your uniqueness instead.
Nobody is normal.
Selena is not normal, growing up in the spotlight. And with the pressure from the outside, it shaped her beliefs, which led to mental health issues.
And as a popstar, it’s even harder not to try to please everyone because you get a lot of feedback and negative comments.
Conclusion
What I want to show you with the example of Selena is everyone has their unique path and place on the scale of introversion and extroversion.
Everyone has introverted and extroverted tendencies. And nobody is 100% introvert or extrovert. And your tendencies are shifting as we get older. Psychologists call this “intrinsic maturation.”
Our personalities become more balanced. I like to call it “becoming an ambivert.”
Even though we think we are staying the same our whole lives, that’s not true. Research shows that our personalities change over time. Because we become more balanced, emotionally stable, conscientious, and accepting of changes.
I’m challenging you to think outside the boxes you put yourself in and expand your personality and horizon.
Don’t limit yourself by putting yourself in the introversion box.
I did that for a long time, not going out and meeting new people, because I thought I wasn’t capable. Now I have a lot of fun networking, meeting new people, and hearing their stories. I’m an introvert who networks.
“Being yourself is all it takes. If you want to impress someone, don’t be someone else; just be yourself.”
Selena Gomez
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