In a world that celebrates visibility and recognition: the spotlight is not on you and that’s a good thing
As a teenager, I was obsessed with overthinking what other people thought of me.
I got bullied, and I thought it was because of the way I looked: ugly with my glasses and my not-dyed hair.
Every day I thought about:
- what do people think about my clothes?
- what do people think about the way I reacted?
- what do people think about what I said?
- what do people think about the way I walk?
I was overthinking everything. I thought all they thought about was me.
It kept me from being myself. It kept me from living my life.
It kept me from saying my opinion.
I didn’t speak much. I didn’t do much. I was afraid I do something wrong every minute of the day.
“The spotlight effect” got me imprisoned.
I thought there was a spotlight on me every minute of the day. It sounds really self-absorbent, but it’s social anxiety.
Oh, I was so wrong, and I imprisoned myself instead.
The perception of others
I thought all day the others were gossiping about everyone else, what they wore, and how they behaved…
I was insecure. I thought they knew everything about me.
What we don’t realize when we are stuck in this mindset is that others don’t hear our thoughts. They barely know us (if they are not our best friends, whom we tell everything).
They only know a fraction of who we are.
The fun thing is: everyone sees you differently.
The perception of you depends on:
- their experiences
- your first impression
- prejudices
And 90% has nothing to do with you!
Nobody cares
That overthinking continued for years. It improved with some distance from my hometown, but I was still insecure and quiet.
One day I read about the spotlight effect, and I found this quote:
“You’ll stop caring what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do”
— David Foster Wallace
This changed everything.
It totally made sense.
I’m not thinking about everyone else the whole time, so why should they?
This was a life-changing perspective change for me.
Suddenly, I was free!
I decreased my overthinking, was less stressed about what I needed to wear, and I could focus more on my success now.
Everyone is a bit self-absorbed.
You think about yourself the most, don’t you?
- Worrying about your problems
- Trying to find solutions for your problems
- Working on your goals
- Taking care of yourself
And that’s normal.
I was afraid of posting stuff on Instagram. I didn’t want to get judged or bullied again.
Last year, I had the guts to start posting.
What happened? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Well, nothing negative, at least.
The people who like my content told me in person. The people who don’t like my content just unfollowed or ignored me. And I don’t get notifications for that, so I don’t care.
It was me overthinking again. About nothing.
Nobody cares. (Well, maybe some do who are bored and want to gossip, or those who love you and care about you)
But the majority doesn’t care.
Get out of the spotlight
There are some steps you can take to get your mind out of the spotlight and into hiding to do what you want to do.
- Focus on other people and listen
I love listening to the life stories of other people. It’s so interesting to talk about differences and similarities.
Get yourself out of your head and talk to people!
Let them talk!
- Accept and celebrate your flaws
I’m guilty of judging my flaws. Like I said, I was insecure.
But those flaws are part of me and what makes me unique. And the good thing is: you can grow and improve.
I accept the flaws I cannot change like my height, and make it into something positive: I don’t have to worry about hitting my head, and I fit in tiny spaces.
And I can improve the flaws I can change, like my impatience.
- Ask yourself, “So what?” when you make a mistake
I got into a big negative spiral every time I made a mistake.
Ask, “So what?”
It’s possible that nobody saw it anyway, and they 100% will forget it the next day.
Like I said, everyone is busy thinking about their own problems, so they don’t have the energy to judge your mistakes.
So what happened? Probably nothing.
Don’t make something bigger than it is.
Conclusion
Realizing that nobody cares about what I’m doing or what I’m wearing was a big, life-changing realization for me.
Suddenly I was free of a big burden I carried around.
Everyone is self-absorbed.
We think of our problems, our looks, and our lives most of the time.
Now that we know nobody cares: we can do whatever we want to do.
Be yourself!
The only one standing in the way of you living your life like you want is yourself!
- What are you doing today?
- What are you wearing today?
Be yourself!
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